数模

放假以后一直在数模培训...发现原理可以不懂，程序不能不懂...现在讲的是回归分析...

还没组队....不知道会咋样....也不知道能不能参赛，毕竟老师说不推荐大一的同学参加...呜呜~

回家要埋头看书了...

武汉也不知道去不去好，看了那张游泳池挤满人的图片之后觉得真是好鬼热...

tag: math,vacation,hot,summer

Opera mini rocks

With opera mini's default encrypted proxy, I can get full access to facebook, twitter and here blogger. I guess from now on I shall depend on opera mini for posting~GFW go to hell~

Sh*t

Facebook, twitter, blogger, wordpress...

all blocked from china

f*ck GFW

继续这一天

迟到被英语老师记名...腿还是好痛。和同学分享了今天倒霉经历：一个早上喝了冻牛奶，拉肚子...一个早上穿上裤子才发现里面有只大强，搞到赶紧擦花露水洗澡...一个早上发现单车被人偷了...倒霉的事真多，怎么都集中在一天里？还是每时每刻都有，只是我太渺小，没察觉？唯一的收获是早餐和英语老师说我可以上课看别的书，只要不影响其他同学...也是在教育我罢了...

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Sent from my mobile device

倒霉周期

今天早上没睡好，一直在想和死亡有关的事...七点九个字起床，八点零五就准备好出门。可是要等小hunt拿早餐给我。谁知道某人自己吃早餐吃了好久，打电话给我我才知道要去某人楼下等，穿着拖鞋嘴角还有面包渣就下来了...还是怪我没明白意思吧...已经五个字，本来想一起去，但是不肯。我见到一个同学于是搭了顺风车，谁知道车快停的时候我自以为是地跳下车，狼狈地坚持了几步便扑倒在地，膝盖好鬼痛，还吓到了周围的人，糗死...还是迟到了。去洗手间，发现左边膝盖磨出一堆小伤口，裤子也破了，右边还好...可是用湿纸巾擦了之后整条左腿阵痛...吃面包的时候咬到嘴...我确认倒霉周期又来了...如果是以前，我会不开心好久，痛恨那个我等了那么久的人...此时的我非彼时的我，看开点，不过是一点小意外...有大爱...

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Sent from my mobile device

withered....

回到家的第一个早上，9点半起床，挺早的。
刷完牙洗完脸，我妈开始批判我....
头发太长，像飞女
皮肤粗糙，黑头这么多
形象这么差
肯定没有按时睡觉
洗衣机里的衣服都皱了才晾
问我这个星期花了多少钱
我说没多少
说我一天到完不知道在忙什么
也不告诉她
只会问她拿钱，而且没收据
都不知道把钱投资到哪里去了
皮肤这么差，要学她
天天用洗面奶，洗完澡用温水泡脚
现在皮肤很光滑（全是斑），连脚跟也像脸上皮肤一样光滑
三天之内一定要把头发剪了

---

我妈
某天站了很久才买到两件衣服，一件大一件小
拿过来给我看，又有闪闪的珠片...
说那个新买的电饭锅要等我来开锅
之前还买了一个蒸东西的锅，已经被我和老豆鄙视了一次
总是乱买东西，乱花钱，到头来她嚷嚷得最大声说要节省，悭
乱花钱之后就怪我，怪老豆
“都是给你们买的，不要我要”，有可能么？

---

昨晚吃饭，爆出我上上星期回家吃的鹿肉其实是猪肉，郁闷死我了
我说吃起来就没什么味道
连猪肉的味道都没有
只是我没吃过鹿肉
才会被骗
我老豆说下次弄个骆驼肉
我妈说，驼峰肉嘛，我很早就吃过了，不行
我老豆说骆驼肉和驼峰肉不同
我妈说，都一样，到外面吃驼峰肉就是骆驼肉
我老豆说，你到外面吃猪肚尖和吃猪肉一样啊
我妈无语...我和老豆狂笑...
我妈使出处于绝境常用的一招：“你们就会联合起来对付我！”

---

10秒钟之前
我妈进我房间就狂怒
“赶快剪掉你的头发！不然我把你的头砍下来！“

---

郁闷...每次回家都被批斗...

只能用drcom

下午山长水远背着电脑飞车去实验楼，去到没老师在，那时就有不良预感。
一个女的officer还比较善良，打电话去找老师。等了大概十分钟，出现了，就是经常看到那个有点bold的人。
他说话好快，要说两遍我才听懂。
然后他听了我的问题，disabled了我的无线网卡，卸掉我用来看hulu的vpn，还没完全解决问题。如果注销后再登录出现寻找服务器...，还要手动disable多播模式，哦啊！
还说linux下就是不能上网，我暗示可以直接插端口上网，no response.
唉
回家上网又要enable无线网卡，好鬼烦，那老师说“有什么？”，起码n次...and, 他还disabled&re-enabled一个不知名的东西
背着电脑飞车回来，脑袋里只有四个字“穷困潦倒”

OMG, nothing works!

倒霉倒霉倒霉！
drcom在vista下都用不了。
重装，不行，找宿舍网管，不行，换网线，不行。
每次都是运行drcom后，check完帐号，然后“注销成功”。真是破玩意儿.....
今早早读本想踩车，千辛万苦把它从车堆中挪出来，走没多远就发现前轮不断地吱吱叫，无奈，放弃。打算中午吃完饭趁街上人比较少拿去修。
最近做啥事都不顺利。中酒似乎又hold住了，那个破综合素质评比reminds me of 各种各样黑暗的东西....还要去帮别人找我以前的英语老师...
还好像增肥了，前天晚上开会被人说“好残”......
好无奈，每天都不够睡

untitled

extremely busy lately.
always feeling time isn't enough though i'm efficient i think.
proposals, outings, homeworks, fruits, diet, running, movie, pet shop boys, sleep, laundry, washing machine, storms, broken umbrella, stupid tester, summary, communication
i'm not crazy, i'm far from crazy. it's just that is this the life i want? is it right to simplifying everything? i just kept working and kept pausing to wonder and went on without concluding anything. i'm compelled to do everything, almost everything. choices are made before i even had the time to think about. i wish i could choose not to choose and just get along with everything coming. but is it possible? i believe in chaos theory. every decision leads to different outcomes. the effect is accumulative i guess, but where is the very limit when things or I will be completely changed in nature? i could never figure it out, maybe it requires some statistical analysis. but since the effect is accumulative, i'm constantly worried whether i've made a wrong decision, such as wearing favourite shoes while raining. cuz if dirt splashed on them, i'll have to clean them so the time i might supposed to be doing another thing will be spent on cleaning shoes, then, who knows what happens? i'm afriad, i'm scared, i'm frightened, i'm horrified, i'm panicked, i've always felt there are disasters in my life, many to come. how am i gonna cope with them? one can never learn to cope with extreme conditions while living in peace. what can i do? only to expect?
later

holiday's almost over

今天不用英文写。
洗澡时耳朵又进水了，很难受。现在想不到什么好写的。
觉得最近天天吃牛肉，牛肚，牛肾，牛百叶，牛肉丸，牛肉果条，太有问题了，差点吃到厌。
昨天认为最不能忍受的事：宿舍门上开直径约10cm的一个洞，曰防止学生在宿舍打牌。
晚上坐车回家，突然间觉得，整条街都是黑暗的，有光的地方总包括“成人用品”灯箱。
今天去了小公园一带，老房子的入口已经被封了。据说百货大楼下陷，正在加高。如何做到呢？想不明白。
我妈的四姨和小姨总是直白地指出我的缺点，外婆十分明智地说，那是因为她们看不到自己的缺点。
外婆是个有趣的人，她还惊叹我的鞋子很漂亮，有品位。
明天走佬。有空再来探外婆。不过不想来这里，还是去深圳吧...

a tiny city

3 days ago, accompanying my mother, I arrived at Shantou, a small/tiny city along the south coast of China. My primary intention is to visit my grandma who's already 78 years old. However, this is a tiny city where infomation about people coming and going spreads faster than you think, in such case, my mother said we couldn't stay here without visiting her rather close relatives. So I had to follow her almost everywhere as I felt it obligatory to do so.
Went out to meet a friend at a KTV and I didn't sing at all. It was always awkard for me to go to kareokes because I rarely sing in front of people, unless they're really very close friends. Not until I had to look up the map for transportation means did I realized that I lived far from downtown. There were only 2 bus lines out.
This is a boring city and its language sounds like french to me. I was just understanding very few words within any conversation. Sometimes familiar words pop up and disappear in less than a sec, and reappear and disappear few secs later. Frustrating! But some words sound funny to certain extent, which means I'd laugh when I hear them but my mother'd think I'm crazy/stupid.
Later I discovered, actually my mother discovered a funny line came from a loudspeaker on the street, outside a shoe shop. In mandarin it was "平平钱，买双鞋穿趣味". It rhymes with the sound 'i'. Loudspeaker is the symbol of stores selling low-price goods. Very often sound from the loudspeaker was a male/female's voice saying 'the goods are very cheap here! come and buy! or u'll regret it! because we're closing up! this is ur last chance!'. It's clear that the speaker is playing what is recorded over and over again that it sometimes becomes an unbearable noise, just driving people away asap from the coverage of that speaker. However, that very line reflected the differences between people in ST and GZ. Here the people learned the style of selling from GZ and added their own language and attitude of life. They are casual, content though their living standard isn't even comparable to that of GZ. I've never heard of Cantonese buying shoes just for fun and low-price, they care more about brand and quality. My mother and I thought the line was so brilliant that we deliberately went by that store to hear it again, and I asked her to repeated it for me several times on our way home.
Paid a visit to the notorious boat-bridge which charges 60 for entrance fee, and the newly accomplished ST 1st Middle School campus. The later was pretty much like the HEMC of GZ, beautiful but one of the administrators, my mother's uncle, told us it'll take 6 yrs to fully pay the debts, a long long way to go.
When I stay in, I read and sleep and watch tv and surf the net and of course, write this. There's nothing better to do. I'm glad I finished reading To Kill a Mocking Bird which is such a great novel, friendly words with profound meanings.
One thing I have to mention particularly, is that I hate the motorbikes here, they're absolutely outrageous.
later

Revolutionary Road

A friend said she didn't quite understand the movie.
I didn't feel that way. When April suggested they go to Paris, for me, it was déja vu.
Frank, working as an ordinary officer for Knox(?), didn't get any meaning from his work. He was a man without passion, without life. April, who studied acting to be an actress when she was young, buried her dream in daily routines as a housewife. April couldn't endure the emptiness anymore, so she persuaded Frank to move to Paris where she'd support him by working as a secretary while he could take the time to explore his real interests, what he inwardly desired to do. At first, they were thrilled by the plan, but their neighbors and Frank's co-workers made no sense of why they were giving up their life on Revolutionary Road. Only John, an insane ex-Mathamatician, understood their dream to live, to thrive again. Unexpectedly, Frank got a promotion and April got pregnant. April was determined to leave, ready for abortion but Frank, who wouldn't give up his opportunity and his child, had second thoughts. They had a hard fight, then everything went on as Frank wished. Only John saw the truth, the selfishness of Frank. On the last morning, it seemed that April was getting back on track, cooking breakfast for Frank. At that very moment, I can see April's dying, I just can tell. Then I think about the baby, April might kill him/her first then commit suicide. So I waited and everything went on as expected, except that I thought maybe, April wasn't supposed to die from blood lost, which was an accident of her abortion. No one, including Frank, really understood April's death.
From April's point of view, I relived my life, the very few days just after I found out where I got admitted. It was hell and I tried to run away from it. I told myself I would not accept that and I wouldn't go there, that wasn't the life, the destination I was looking for. So I went online and searched for foreign universities. I was determined to go to St Petersburg for the study of medicine and I emailed to the admission office asking about details. Then, after a mental breakdown, I surrendered, to reality. I'm a coward, compared to April. But I know that, April was different, much more desperate than I was. I was still young, having the power to change my future. However she was in a dead end, she could never get out again. She used to have dreams of becoming an actress, then marriage, children, so much boundary made her feel that she had lost identity. From a promising young girl with dream and passion, to one of millions of housewives. Special to ordinary, passion to emptiness, life to death. Frank didn't know what she wanted and their communication was broken. John was the only one who comprehend her feelings but could do nothing to help. People who couldn't understand the movie are those lucky ones who have never been through desperate situations where one is stuck in darkness, helpless and hopeless. Did I have to courage to die? No. I fear death because there are so many things on earth I want to try. I don't know if I can do them all but as long as I live, there's hope for me. But if I were in the state where April was in, I'd choose to leave Revolutionary Road and start over. April was too brave.

art museum

visited the art museum for the European masterpiece of 19C.
i've never seen authentic classic paintings before. it was fresh experience. i don't know about most of the painters but i was and have always been amazed by how they could create such realistic characters, sometimes even more beautiful than the truth. however, my favourite style of painting remains impressionism. unfortunately there weren't enough great works for me to fulfill my expectation.
around 5 pm I was hurried out by a security who did annoyed me a little. despite that, i enjoyed this afternoon, especially after wondering around the beautiful ErSha Island looking for the bus station to go home. only on ErSha island can you find the 'vast' land of 'forest', in GZ.

Twitter!

added a twitter update
but seems no friends using it

oooooooooooooo

class and business
and the spring festival
sorry, too tired to write anything

busy?

好多事做。
放假后一个星期泡在电影里。
然后开始上TOEFL。天天都很困。还好老师不太吹水。
花市明天开始，应该会忙得剩半条命。我要赚钱。我要赚钱～我要赚钱！
还有好多事没做。
现在先去睡觉～～～

50 WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE IN 2009

-- US News & World Report

Trainspotting-It's just f*cking brilliant

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [narrating] Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: We took morphine, diamorphine, cyclizine, codeine, temazepam, nitrazepam, phenobarbitone, sodium amytal, dextropropo xyphene, methadone, nalbuphine, pethidine, pentazocine, buprenorphine, dextromoramide, chlormethiazole. The streets are awash with drugs you can have.

Tommy: Doesn't it make you proud to be Scottish?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: It's SHITE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the fucking Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are COLONIZED by wankers. Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized BY. We're ruled by effete assholes. It's a SHITE state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and ALL the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference!

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Now I've justified this to myself in all sorts of ways. It wasn't a big deal, just a minor betrayal. Or we'd outgrown each other, you know, that sort of thing. But let's face it, I ripped them off - my so called mates. But Begbie, I couldn't give a shit about him. And Sick Boy, well he'd done the same to me, if he'd only thought of it first. And Spud, well okay, I felt sorry for Spud - he never hurt anybody. So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers - all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.

The pursuit of grades, not happiness

what was I doing? what am I doing?
there r so many things in life worth fighting for and I'd be willing to fight for. why would grades, marks, results become so important in the first place? since when? o right, primary school? or even earlier, kindergarden? it has become a habit that I couldn't get rid of. looking at the scores, I couldn't help but feeling sad, then I ask myself, why should I feel sad? they're just numbers, I didn't like anything I've learnt from school/university, I didn't care, for those subjects. but my future is very much likely to depend on these numbers and so I must make them look good. I've gone through the same reasoning procedure for about a million times. still, I'm frustrated, confused, contradicted.
in the pursuit of grades, there's no happiness, even if I achieve my goal gpa, there would be no joy, only less pain. but the pursuit of grades is within the pursuit of my future happiness, so I should stick to the plan. but if I do this, it will eliminate all my present happiness, when I in the future look back upon now, will I be regretted? I live in today, right now at this moment. and in every moment in my life, I need happiness, I don't need grades. f*ck, it doesn't make sense. what went wrong? am I not thinking logically?
paranoid.mess

MSGDUFS

kind of an experiment.
i'm trying to set up a website and forum using Google services for Mathematical Society of GDUFS.
At the moment it's just an idea with some basic structure. Hopefully when it's done it'll be user(member)-friendly. We already have a platform of communication which is the QQ group but messages cannot be preserved permanently. A forum(google group) is better for serious conversations and problem solving.
Things to do:
Shiny logo for MSGDUFS
Sounding name for MSGDUFS
Contact Prof. Ma, advisor-to-be
Attract new members (through qq, email)
and the X-Files department will have to finish some documents for registering, most important of all, Regulations of MSGDUFS
Plans of inter-activities
and headache: how r we going to raise money? how much money do we actually need?

Messsage to Mark Cuban

Dear Sir,
PLEASE FIRE Rick Carlisle, send away Devean George, Jose Barea, Antoine Wright, and get a real center.
If u don't do this asap, with Kidd aging and Nowitzki's 1 yr left of the contract, the mavs will be no where near the championship for the next 10 yrs.
U probably won't read about this but I've got to say sth after watching the mavs play the kings, it was really disappointing. The mavs coach didn't even exist. Absolutely no strategy. Pls fire him and get someone smart enough to win games.

Sincerely
a fan

what the fuss

9号，考完试的那天晚上，1人拥有整间宿舍，哈哈，于是叫小梓莹来玩sleep over
第二天早上恢复意识的时候，双手交叉在胸前，侧卧，紧贴床的护栏。努力地转过身，再也睡不着....
晒东西实在是一件非常time-consuming的事。10点，把被子拿到6楼，霸位，夹好。11点，翻被子。12点，翻被子。13点，翻被子。14点，收被子，晒床垫和凉席。15点，翻床垫，阳光已经对我的凉席冷漠。16点，忍受不了，收床垫。一整天都奉献给晒东西，人活着到底为了什么？
在等待的过程中，看了两部垃圾电影，neither made any sense.
终于，帮我搬单车的苦力晖爷完成了他的任务。搬个单车，用了不少短信和话费，有点问题...
终于，把一堆东西和自己拖回家。10号。
11号。Teemall shopping. Basically I was window shopping while my friends had made some good deals. Anyway, I hate shopping. Shopping has never given me any pleasure.
On the way back, I got one of my best friends a birthday present and bought another present on behalf of my other friend for his brother which was a difficult task. I wanted to help, but, just wait and see how it'll turn out.
Watched a premier league match Man Utd vs. Chelsea through gsopcast. Chelsea wasn't giving all it could so Man Utd took advantage. It was ugly, lousy and painful for Chelsea. Now I can see where the strength of Man Utd lies.
Lots of things to do until 15th. Hopefully today will be fruitful. I'll try harder and harder to make everything happen.

破洗衣机

搬进属于大四生的宿舍，省去了买洗衣机的麻烦。
然而渐渐地，烦恼出现。
衣服总是洗得起粒，沾上黑色的毛球（应该是室友的衣服or袜子），所有东西经过洗衣机都变脏了，毛巾更硬了，边还磨破了。更甚，老爷洗衣机偶尔甩不干衣服，拿出来自己拧又拧不干，晾起来猛滴水，搞得阳台地板脏上加湿，不堪入目，只好把盆放在衣服下面盛水。
我觉得是因为洗太多衣服洗衣机甩不动，师姐又说不是，那洗衣机就是会偶尔发作...
等师姐毕业了，换？室友会同意吗？
唉，我的衣服啊～

今天究竟是什么日子？

这几天考试很垃圾。
英语还只考了一半，多亏那垃圾的蓝鸽考试系统。
basically 7成把握，希望数分pass。明白老师为什么通水，因为通水我们一样不会做。晖爷考完试终于做了他承诺的事，可当时真是觉得好没瘾，好浪费...
懊悔的心情被我逃避掉了，接近fail的结果我竟然好像没什么所谓...这就是大学的学习状态？unbelievable
高数看到眼花，上q，吓到。原本以为所有人都乖乖地去复习，谁知道连平时从不上线的室友都[蒲佐头]，啊，原来她级数还比我高。好奇怪，难道是因为明天就要回家？回家也不是不能上q啊...不明白
明天要继续垃圾下去了
如果考得可以接受，就回HF；否则...不知道，不想去那个无聊的kbox，不过又有点贪恋那里的Carlsberg Chill
啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊
I'm a messsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
shite

happy?

fine weather
fine sandwich
Trainspotting
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
3 bottles of pure water
an unfinished english test
3 kinds of medicine 3 times/day
2 subjects of tests left
2 lazy afternoon in dorm
lunch & dinner with friends
Pet Shop Boys
Dido
Piano lessons
and a coming long vacation
oh, why do I feel happy
like I'm floating on the clouds

Drcom!

今天回到学校，心中又无故燃起希望——搞定drcom for linux！如果这几天不成功，又要等到下学期了。
先在ubuntu下把所有之前安装drcom的有关文件都删掉，剩下一个与内核有关的，我想在新内核下应该会自动生成适用的文件，就不管它了。
然后回到vista，上论坛搜drcom，原来1号出了1.4.8.1，马上down下来，还有一个deb
又回到ubuntu，cd, make, sudo make install, sudo gedit, sudo drcomd, drcomc login, ...LOGIN FAILED! 折腾了好半天，还是失败。还不死心，去装deb，谁知运行后的server ip不对，又不知道怎样改——正式宣布失败。
好气愤～～～还没试过做一件事这么有毅力。一个学期，整整一个学期，都在为drcom努力。不断地有希望，不断地失败，不断地想放弃，过一段时间，又有了希望，只不过知道实现的可能性很小，但还是去尝试了，结果又是失望。原来世上还有这样一个无法解决的难题。枉我还跑去问网管server ip，一切的努力都是白费。如果真是这样，superwwt说的比喻真是太可悲了。
难道我又要把所有东西删掉，including 和内核有关的？
在家里用ubuntu真是用得很开心...

关机/重启问题

之前关机/重启不成功，出现密铺的命令行，sudo reboot也没有，只能强行关机。
linux内核升级到2.6.27.9后问题自动解决。

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Intrepid Ibex, Ubuntu Linux

每个人的背后都有一段不堪回首的故事

终于看了期待已久的东邪西毒。太爱王家卫。
一直佩服写影评的人，因为我总写不了电影般的文字。

End of the darkest year of my life

Hope is all I have, for 2009.
The end is not near, it's here.
Reconnected few friends from primary school, one of whom had totally forgotten me. It was sad, cause after all this time, 7 yrs we didn't get in touch in any possible way though we've always had each other's name on qq. He changed a lot. Each of us had forbidden topics and conversation could not proceed. Once again, the feeling of distance!
I hate it. When I went back to HF for the (ridiculous) 120th Anniversary, I felt like a stranger. My mind kept whispering, 'I don't belong here, I don't belong here anymore'. This is me, who couldn't say a word to many familiar faces, who enjoyed silent company with an old friend, the one I anxiously wanted to meet, who ran away from the past as fast as possible.
Clarified something, still a long way to go.
First step of preparation.
Winter break plans- 1st stage.
Regret: didn't spend enough time with X-2, including tonight's outing...
Hope! Hope! Hope!
Start fresh!