The pursuit of grades, not happiness

what was I doing? what am I doing?
there r so many things in life worth fighting for and I'd be willing to fight for. why would grades, marks, results become so important in the first place? since when? o right, primary school? or even earlier, kindergarden? it has become a habit that I couldn't get rid of. looking at the scores, I couldn't help but feeling sad, then I ask myself, why should I feel sad? they're just numbers, I didn't like anything I've learnt from school/university, I didn't care, for those subjects. but my future is very much likely to depend on these numbers and so I must make them look good. I've gone through the same reasoning procedure for about a million times. still, I'm frustrated, confused, contradicted.
in the pursuit of grades, there's no happiness, even if I achieve my goal gpa, there would be no joy, only less pain. but the pursuit of grades is within the pursuit of my future happiness, so I should stick to the plan. but if I do this, it will eliminate all my present happiness, when I in the future look back upon now, will I be regretted? I live in today, right now at this moment. and in every moment in my life, I need happiness, I don't need grades. f*ck, it doesn't make sense. what went wrong? am I not thinking logically?
paranoid.mess