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extremely busy lately.
always feeling time isn't enough though i'm efficient i think.
proposals, outings, homeworks, fruits, diet, running, movie, pet shop boys, sleep, laundry, washing machine, storms, broken umbrella, stupid tester, summary, communication
i'm not crazy, i'm far from crazy. it's just that is this the life i want? is it right to simplifying everything? i just kept working and kept pausing to wonder and went on without concluding anything. i'm compelled to do everything, almost everything. choices are made before i even had the time to think about. i wish i could choose not to choose and just get along with everything coming. but is it possible? i believe in chaos theory. every decision leads to different outcomes. the effect is accumulative i guess, but where is the very limit when things or I will be completely changed in nature? i could never figure it out, maybe it requires some statistical analysis. but since the effect is accumulative, i'm constantly worried whether i've made a wrong decision, such as wearing favourite shoes while raining. cuz if dirt splashed on them, i'll have to clean them so the time i might supposed to be doing another thing will be spent on cleaning shoes, then, who knows what happens? i'm afriad, i'm scared, i'm frightened, i'm horrified, i'm panicked, i've always felt there are disasters in my life, many to come. how am i gonna cope with them? one can never learn to cope with extreme conditions while living in peace. what can i do? only to expect?
later